Experiencing the 'Other' Gender

Author: Shashank Kalra

I feel its happening to me, opening my self up to learn. I feel like a learner in ONUS more than a facilitator. ONUS has in a way, picked up the baton to educate me along with all of us. Yesterday as part of our Collective Service Day, we visited a community of transgenders (hijras) through an organisation called Pahel.

More than two decades in this world, I have had a few chances of encounter with a transgender. At each point, my reflex action was to do anything or pay some money to get rid of them. Later I began to question why are we even supposed to give money to them? Most of us who went with us yesterday, shared this conditioning. In a stark difference, we were sharing space of warmth with them yesterday in a room. They so lovingly described stories from their lives, discrimination they face and yet how happily they live their life.

For the first time, they felt like humans to us. Humans who have emotions and pain and joys. For the first time, I was able to move beyond the physical realm of their bodies and tried to understand their spirits.Two things really struck me. One, I always thought that we as a society have excluded them in all senses of the word. They can't go to school/college among us, they can't pray with us, they can't be employed with us, they sometimes can't travel with us. But what was striking was that we got introduced to the rich culture that the community has, their folklores, their guru-chela tradition, their gods.

One folklore was that during the time Ram-Sita-Laxman left for vanvasa, Ram ji said all men and women (nar aur naari) who had come to see them off can go back. One of the hijras called Gangaram, stood there because Ramji didn't permit it. And Gangaram ended waiting for Ramji for 14 years without food. When Ramji returned he said 'your tapasva was even more challenging than ours'. And rewarded Gangaram with a vardaan.

The second thing that stuck me was the anger against policemen. All of them shared how brutally they are maltreated and exploited if they are caught by the police without reason. Immediately I remembered how I thought hijras misbehave with us and now I have come to understand the background. Similarly, policewalas no doubt may be doing wrong but it's important to understand where they are coming from, not to justify them just to share empathy with them.

We went as part of a campaign that is running all over Delhi and in 5 other states to create more inclusion. It's called BuStop Discrimination, supported by PACS.

We all felt safe there, it was fun, informal space. We broke into laughter often, we asked questions. We shared feelings. We sang together. I felt if only education did this much, supported us to interact with different communities. We would have been so much more human.