Question the Question - (Gramya Manthan Winter 2016)

Contributor: S.R Ayan

Sabarmati River Front

Problems and Solutions have always defined my approach towards life. If I could visualise a real need/problem and assist in building a constructive solution around it,then I would be addressing the issue in real time. These problems could have solutions that are either commercial or social in nature. Hence, with this mindset I ventured into Gramya Manthan 2016 - Winter Edition program expecting to visualise and connect with the problems addressing rural India. But at the end of the program, I could focus on my inner self and felt at peace.

Reached Ahmedabad one day prior to the start of the program to explore the city. Our accommodation was at Safai Vidyalaya, next door neighbour to Sabarmati Ashram, and after some authentic Gujarati thaali, paid a visit to the Ashram. I am not a Gandhian nor have extensively read about the iconic Bapu but that place had peace written all over it, so much so that I ended up being there for almost 4 hours(TBH was waiting for a friend),yet did not move around to any other spot in the city. In the evening, made some peace with the outburst of love shown by both couples and mosquitoes at the Riverside Park, bid goodbye to my friend and headed back to Safai Vidyalaya. 

Then it all began…

Toilet Cafe, Safai Vidyalaya

Robots, Innovative Products, Consulting, Design Thinking methodologies, Developmental Sector work, Masters, Family, Friends, Fitness etc etc…loads of things were moving around in my mind when I arrived here. I always had the determination and perseverance to do something exciting and challenging in life but failed on the necessary self belief to run the extra mile. Values and discipline had been self imbibed and also the need to ‘not carry’ a baggage of expectations.

It all began with customary introductions and sharing stories about each other’s lives. We were introduced to the concept of circles where everybody was given an equal status. Then the team building activities began that largely revolved around trust, faith and putting ourselves into other’s shoes. Now, this has never been my strong suit. I am a staunch believer that expectations are the root cause of many problems. Not having realistic expectations is, according to me, an almost definite path to disappointment and harm. My ardent lack of faith in people was about to be challenged, though. A life map session brought out the hidden misconceptions on being vulnerable to strangers(at that moment of time) around you. We were all one large community and certain agreements were formed on the basis of discussions among all the participants and the organisers. Engaging sessions with Jayeshbhai Patel, Anar Patel and Nipun Mehta gave us a good insight and perspective on their work over the years. We had a brief stop at Environmental Sanitation Institute(ESI) and then moved ahead to Pedhamali, a village panchayat located in the Mahesana district in Gujarat about a couple of hours drive from Ahmedabad. And here I got the first glimpse of the most powerful bond/emotion that can change people, change perceptions, change the world. As the team of 36 participants with 10 members of Youth Alliance team ventured into the village, we were showered with Love, Love and more Love by the villagers. None of us had any idea about the incremental nature of this bond that was going to be formed in the next few days.

I have already conceded that I am not the most trusting of people. My little experience in relationships, bonding, professional work has taught me to keep ‘No expectations’ for any process and thus I did not carry any baggage of expectations when entering this program. Trust can be instantly formed or not formed based on the past experiences we have had in life. We learn to trust and have faith in people as signs of good bonding but somewhere in this fast paced world, where we are always ready to outperform others on the basis of competition, we lose our ability to trust people. It was very important to re-establish these core values at the beginning of a program, that was getting more intense day by day because we were trying not to think too much with our brains but with our hearts and then came the most powerful value - Love.

The excitement on reaching Pedhamali was so palpable that the earlier bane of getting up early in the morning before 6am in that intense cold for a session was slowly turning out to be a boon and I never imagined that this routine would actually have an effect on my schedule even after the program. Silence is one aspect that has been a takeaway for me and is being practiced even after the program. Sessions and discussions began with silence for a few minutes, and this gave us enough time to reflect back on the earlier ones. We interacted with the villagers by grouping ourselves into different groups and moving around various parts of the village. An engaging discussion with Jaldeep Thakar and his wife Snehal helped us get a purview of the kind of developmental work being done in this village over the last 10 years. Each of us had the task of finding a home where we could have dinner,sleep and also have breakfast for the next day, and the villagers were so kind that all 36 of us were accommodated in 36 different homes. That was the experience that shifted our mindset in different ways altogether.

Imagine groups of young people walking around your place of residence just randomly connecting and then finally requesting for a place to stay during the night. How many of us would truly be able to accommodate them? Why would we allow a stranger inside our homes? What if the stranger runs away with our valuables, or physically harms us? These questions and more did run in my mind after the exercise but I gave into the process by not pondering about them too much.After all, the point was to not analyse everything so cerebrally. I later realised that the residents of Pedhamali shared the values of trust, faith, kindness, love and bonding wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return from me or from my fellow participants. I had never before neglected the many questions that rose in my mind in such instances, but here I was, enjoyingthe moment without dissection or analysis. Yet another reflection that I gained from the program.

The very next day after this experience, I could observe a certain change in the participants during the circles, their perceptions had definitely changed. During the next couple of days, we had indoor sessions where we were put up, i.e. at the Jain Dharamshala. We delved into Systems Thinking, Design Thinking, Nero’s Guest, the importance of taking everybody else along while competing and then an explosive session by Dev Tayde that helped me personally reflect on certain questions that had been bothering me since a very long time. A story ‘Helping, Fixing or Serving’ that was distributed by the Youth Alliance team laid the foundation for one of the most complex sessions of the entire program. At the end of this session,there was a sense of satisfaction and dissatisfaction within myself..

P.S. - The above graph is an attempt to give numbers to the impact created by Gramya Manthan for myself. Numbers are imaginative and are not derived out of any calculations.

I am aware that the mindset, attitudes and characteristics that have been developed within us during the course of our lives will not change within a few days or with a few experiences. It takes an immense amount of dedication and discipline to hold on to our learnings and self belief. All of us were feeling the change within us and the only thing holding us back was our previous learnings that were difficult to unlearn. Nero’s Guest was a hard hitting reality of life that surrounds us and I actually had symphaty for the people shown in the video rather than empathy because I knew that however bad it may look, I would never be able to understand the reality of the situation on ground. A lot of participants were shaken, many others were emotional and then we had a couple of silent hours after that particular session. Dev then brought out the different colours of life and explicitly said that people who are usually in the black or white side of life, are the most successful in their own domains. I knew that this differentiation had been an eternal struggle for me to understand - where did I belong?After discussion with Dev and understanding his views, however, I decided that I have always been in the grey area with a strong value system, and I should continue to be in that even if I may challenge the usual perception. Am I successful being in that area?Have I brought about any change of thoughts or development being in that area? I am not sure and only time will tell. But this belief of continuing good work, holding onto my values and writing my own wonderful story certainly makes my life journey more exciting.

And then there was Service Learning, which in a small way means to serve or be in the service of people without any inhibitions. We tried to get a hang of this topic and again set out in different groups covering the topics of Education, Personal Hygiene, Sanitation and Alcoholism. A couple of groups worked on Personal Hygiene,as it was a larger problem that needed multiple insights,and I was part of one of those groups. Again, we went around the village but this time in a team of 2-3 people just talking and understanding the different perspectives of residents of the village. After lunch, we teamed up with a few members of ESI to clean the streets, collect garbage, distribute cleaner dustbins and spread the message of swachchata and sanitation. I thought Nero’s Guest would be the most intense part of this program but ‘Silent Dinner’ that night beat it by miles.

We were grouped into 5 groups on the first day at Pedhambli that continued till the end of the program at Pedhambili and in this entire process,we started sharing and connecting even more in these sub groups. Although I was opening up and sharing my life with others, I always had this thin wall constructed to avoid being vulnerable. A part of that wall crumbled during these sessions, and I shared my little understanding of my inner self. That moment was quite powerful for me because I could not express or put it any form of words. This happened after Silent Dinner, where we were grouped into pairs and walked in silence to the dining hall. Candles were lit, ESI volunteers washed our hands, embraced us, fed us and gave us a holistic sense of gratitude. What did I feel in those moments - I could feel pain, love, gratitude, respect, shock, surprise and tears through others. I could not fathom this and understand the reason behind this preferential treatment. To have been shown this much love for performing service was actually one of the major reasons that the wall had finally crumbled.

We tried to practice Service Learning in the final 2 days at the Village by working on our topics. For personal hygiene, we performed a Street Play; conducted small acts of kindness like Cutting nails, grooming women hair, washing their vessels etc; gathered a group of young male adults and discussed about personal hygiene around their sensitive parts of the body; conducted a discussion with the village elders like the Sarpanch,SHG, Anganawadi workers,school principal, Jaldeep Thakar and other villagers on the need to take care of Personal Hygiene and promoting the same among the villagers. This was us, trying to put our learnings into practice. After a deep sense of gratitude and emotional goodbyes to the host families and other villagers, we left to the Riverside school where we had a quick discussion with Kiran Sethi. Then our final destination was ESI where we danced around a bonfire, sung Christmas carols, wrote testimonials for others, discussed about contribution to the community and Youth Alliance alumni and finally bid farewell to all.

We have been trained to look for answers all our life and in this never ending quest of seeking answers, we miss out on appreciable moments of life. Sometimes, questions themselves contain the answers we seek, but we were simply too blind to notice them. Life is constant change and struggle, we need to move ahead and keep redefining ourselves but never let go of the core values that bind us.

The program has given me a lot to think about and brought to light many things that I wish to change about myself. I have learnt a lot, and this would not have been possible without the little family that we made during those 9 days. Peers are the biggest source of learning and inspiration to me and I thank the Youth Alliance team for grouping together such brilliant and amazing people. There is so much that I have learnt and so much I can express that this blog post would not be enough. Time waits for none and as good as it looks, I will not be getting back those 9 days with these wonderful people. I am glad I had the opportunity to live those moments with them and I truly cherish them. The sun has set at one end for it to rise from another…

More reflections from Gramya Manthan 6 Journey here.