The tribe is gathering. There's going to be a feast. You are invited - Reflections about Earth Shastra from Manasi

Contributor: Manasi Barmecha

Economy, Ecology, Community. Fear, Separation, Truth. Love, Joy, Freedom.

These words have just begun to acquire a meaningful place in the dictionary of everyday.

It is a futile exercise to recount here the particulars of what occurred in the 9 magical days. The terror of documenting outweighs the tragedy of not. But I promise you, dear reader, an experience this rich, recounted for even its tiniest bit will retain its intensity. The best I can do for now is map the territories of my heart for you. To tell you how they shifted through new spaces and transversed frontiers to become the shape my heart is right now. I traveled from Pune to Uttarakhand, from head to heart, shore to Mariana Trench. Sit next to me.

Love is not obscene. Joy is not meant to be a crumb. More for you does not mean less for me. The separation is taught, oneness is the truth. Community is the antidote.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

Somehow over the years, through influences from my family and friends, novels and TV shows, I had learnt that an outright expression of a desire to love and be loved is a thing of disdain. Anyone asking for love is vulgar and the whole affair is obscene. Cool people don’t accept their need for love, they just clench their jaws, stand tall and go about their business. Love is a thing for the stupid. Those who haven’t understood the meaning of life go after silly things like love. Do only fools rush in? Wise men would say.

Although I theoretically understood that this was a farce and that deep down all of us are built on love, a significant part of me never unlearnt this mistaken belief about love. Even reading Bell Hooks couldn’t absolve me of it.

The programme unleashed in me a fierce honesty. There was nowhere to hide my truth about love and more importantly, there was no need to hide. I wanted love in my life, I felt its absence. I filled the space where love demanded to be with people's praise and admiration for me.

Why do I feel like people’s affection for me is something to be won- how dare I convert something as essential as human connection into a game? Why do I ration my love, measure it out with measuring cups, reading from a cookbook I did not even buy for myself? I have many questions, I am lucky to have people who ask me more. This calculated love cannot nourish; its sugar, salt and fat. To me, it always seemed like I could either impress people or be their friend and very often I chose to dazzle than to lean on a shoulder.

I have begun to see this dichotomy as false. While I need not be revered for me to feel worthy, it is also possible for the same people that admire to also love me. I am allowed to be fragile. The stage is unforgiving but Shakespeare was wrong. All the world need not be a stage. It is okay to ask for love, and tI must remember to not be afraid to receive it when it comes my way. When a present moment demands my attention, I am learning to give in to it. I have found people here who are unfiltered in their love and care. In their unfragmented presence, I heal. '

'I love you' can be said three days in a row. Today is the fourth day. I love you.

"The moment you recognise what is beautiful in this world, you stop being a slave"

When I was in the river, I felt like if I let enough water run over me, I’d be transformed. The same way you become a thing of beauty if you follow enough beautiful things.

I let the river to mould me, I was malleable : a pebble more round with every passing second. As the river gushed, I folded my heart into a flower and kept it where the waters were white so that all the accumulated dirt could be washed off. I could listen to my heart again. I operate out of love, not fear.

I became more human

when I began to recognise beauty,

In the forest I was more human-

than I had ever been.

There is a feast happening next door,
Why are you nibbling on the crumbs from the floor ?

The trauma of my past, the pain of my present holds me back. Scarcity is an illusion I am beginning to see through. All I have to do is open our eyes, extend our palms and we will see, everything is here. Abundance surround us. Have you seen the pine needles on the forest floor? That's how much joy is available to us if we allow it to reach us.

I honour my pain, I see it as universal. Let me hold you close now because we will leave this place in a while. This city of the scarce is not where we belong. As we prepare to leave, let me look around, see the doors and the walls that placed strategically so I may not escape.

"Joy is not meant to be a crumb."

While in the forest, I couldn’t stop wanting to climb to the top of the hill. I was unstoppable. I let the madness in me take over, my laughter tipping over to the edge, flowing through me. There is a boy waiting for me at the foot of this hill. I let go a little bit more, there was no upper limit to the joy I could feel, the sky is my ceiling. I can lie here for a little bit longer, I’m free and I’m fearless. I am not afraid of falling. The world is a kind place and I am skilled. The forest cradles me with great care. Big joy and adventure awaits me, the fears I hold are not mine. The voices of society in my head die down. It is no measure of health to be adjusted to a society that's profoundly sick, said Krishnamurthi years ago. I see what he meant. These feet can take me anywhere I chose to go, I can count on these hands to show me the way. I’m doing just fine. When I am called to experience joy, I no longer hesitate. It's for me.

Rest

After I climbed the highest peak, there was another and from that peak you can see one taller. When I reached there, there was a tree which could not be climbed. But along the way there was another tree where I could rest. I should go to sleep today, all my work can wait. Tomorrow there will be a revolution, my work won’t make sense anyway. Why be arrogant about it then? I feel like I was a headless chicken clucking about in all directions, flaying my arms to gather whatever garbage I could. There is more space for silence in my being now.

I came from the earth, I will go back to it- why do I let frail trivialities consume me? Surely the cosmos does not care what degree I have. The earth holds within it infinite wisdom, it’s been here for a time you and I cannot even fathom, how arrogant of me to try to save it. Why so much worry? Let us rest our heads against this tree and see the sky. The birds are chirping, telling each other they're alive. I'm sitting next to you. Tell me the ways in which you are alive.

"Ya ghat bheetar"

The 9 days we lived together helped me remember my gifts. What I can offer to the world. I wanted to be the person everyone in the programme thought I was. I carry so much inside me, yet ever so often I am blinded to it. There is a feast happening next door. When I was invited to the feast, I hesitated. Oh am I dressed well enough? Will I find my way to the feast? I asked for the address to this feast. I looked for it everywhere. When I arrived at the venue of the feast , I realised I had reached home. It is my house, I am the feast.

We're connected. Nothing is separate.                                             I expand to include you. I see the universe for what it is : One!                                                                                                                     On top of a stinking landfill, I knew that anger was pain. I held so much rage 'Which Gods would let this happen' which quickly gave way to a deep pain ' How dare we let this happen'                                                                                                                                                                    

We sat down and talked about all the interconnections and the anger returned to me 'How did we allow this how did we allow this how did we allow this. There is a deep rage within me. There can be no half hearted solutions, certainly no quick ones. We either solve everything or nothing. The same earth that holds immense beauty also holds the ugliest of things.                                                                                                                                                                                                                      We are pieces of this earth, surely we can hold both. I see your pain, I acknowledge your hurt. Sit next to me so that we may heal.

"For the tree to emerge, the seed must cease."

I met someone at the programme who I knew was different rom me right at the onset of our friendship. My tendency is to defend myself from the newness. Liking his way of life would imply mine wasn’t good enough. Admiring him would be insulting me, since we were different and I am used to the black and the white. I was intimidated by him and so, I was mean to him in self-defense. My education has told me that if the person next to me succeeds, chances of me succeeding decrease and I see this now for the false belief it is. I am friends with the person next to me. I wish them prosperity. More for you is more for me.

In learning to be his friend, I am allowing myself to change as a person. The furniture of my heart is getting dusty, thank you friend for bringing the breeze so that I may be reminded of the dirt I carry within. I appreciate you. I am learning to approach life with curiosity and not judgment.

Gathering of the tribe

In a group of strangers, my first response is to fight- I feel like I have to fight for superiority, to win everyone’s attention, to be the best. By the end of 9 days, my fight or flight response was suspended.

I was part of the group. It was my tribe and I had nothing to prove. I was seen for who I was, I was heard and accepted. I am cradled in their love, I am deeply held. There is a heart beating next to me and I acknowledge that.

My co-travellers are not around me physically, yet I am held. I am never alone. My need for intense connection drive me here and I stand here with arms wide open.

I welcome intensity, I welcome meaning, I welcome you.

Dear reader, thank you for staying for so long. You and me are alive at the same time in this universe, it's a miracle. What you are feeling right now has larger meaning. Our meeting has larger purpose.

Come with me.

The tribe is gathering,
There’s going to be a feast.

You are invited.