A Beautiful Encounter with Life

Contributor: Anisha Gupta

I still remember the night when I finished filling up the application form of Gramya Manthan. There were so many things going on in the back of my mind - What do I want to do with my life? Where is my life heading towards? Why don't I feel happy? Why is it a temporary emotion to me? Where does my happiness lie? etc etc..

I have always had this vague idea in my head to contribute to society and make a difference. My head and heart were involved but I was not taking actions, and to me Gramya Manthan came as an opportunity to experience the rural India and still there was a tussle going on between my head and heart - to go or not to go. A week before leaving for Kanpur, I was bumping into random people who were either from Kanpur or had visited Kanpur recently, had their relatives living in Kanpur or xyz anything; And my heart felt that Universe is speaking to me. Sending these little messages, causing coincidences and serendipities, telling me, you're doing the right thing and to believe in it.

I was very nervous and quiet on Day 1. Surrounded by new faces, my heart was pacing fast when I had to give my introduction and I knew 30 people have their eyes on me, waiting. I started answering in a meek voice and ended up choking half way I guess. All of us had varied objectives of joining the journey but life always throws something at you when you're least expecting it. For me, from a social activity it turned into self-discovery journey. 

Together each one of us, helped each other find answers of their questions amidst which the journey gave us the answers of our own quest. Never ever I knew that these once-strange-faces will end up leaving deep imprints on my soul and being with them will help me come closer to my true-self. Each and every session, activity and interaction was designed in such a way that it intended you to dig deeper into yourself and come face to face with the hibernated strengths, weakness and emotions. The space created at GM made us all realize that the kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen to them without forming an opinion. There were times I felt awkward, vulnerable, on the edge but it was necessary as it was all a part of me reaching to the next part of myself. It got as easy for me to say that my heart is broken as I would have said I bruised my knee. I knew all those who were listening to me were not sympathizing in fact they were just waiting to come hug me to fill me with all their love, hope and smile.

Starting from sharing circle to life map and then project work. From sleeping under the open sky gazing at stars to experiencing the purest form of selfless love in the heart and homes of complete strangers. I knew step by step I was crossing the barriers I had caged myself into and realizing my real potential, giving my life new dimensions, expanding the scope of my perception. Each situation was a new challenge in itself and crossing one barrier made me come one step closer to overcoming others.

It was working great for me, I mean we're all trying to find out who the hell are we, aren't we ? And I could feel that each day I was coming one step closer to it. It was like a chain reaction happening! Until one day it hit me that what if I lose all these people, I might lose myself again. Gramya Manthan spoiled me real bad to a great extent in that case. Now, no person will ever be good enough for me to love and no place will be the same.

I will always look for someone to hold my hand, let me rest in their arms and not ask anything. Just be there beside me sharing the silence of heart. In the company of you all, I found my lost courage and my dead dreams are alive again. I know happiness is in my reach and I'm making space for the unknown future to fill my life with yet to come surprises.

Today, I believe I deserve something beautiful. I am accepting all the love, memories, care and energy I gained from GM and not thinking about giving anything back in return. I was resonating to one line after meeting the YA team yesterday:

"Home is where the heart is." 

I finally know where mine is. :) I have blossomed and there is no looking back now. The feeling is here to stay. I guess I can write a scoop-whoop list of infinite amazing things I experienced at Gramya Manthan. ;) There is no end to what I am feeling and I wish if I could just hug it out all. I'll be cherishing these 9 days and you all in my heart for the longest time.