My Journeys of a Lifetime- Gramya Manthan

Contributor: Bhavya Mittal
Reflection From: Gramya Manthan 6

In an incoherently chaotic state of mind, I applied for Gramya Manthan 6, Winter Edition Programme. And I swear that I had no clue that it would turn out to be so beautifully powerful. From being reluctant about meeting unfamiliar faces to building an unimaginably beautiful bond with them in 9 days, from always being in the proximity of my comfort zone to finally taking a leap out of it, from being evasive about hugging to actually hugging at least 10 people in a day, from being hesitant in making visible body movements in front of a large bunch of less known people because it draws their attention towards you to dancing wholeheartedly with them under the open sky, from being a less careful consumer of resources to being a conscious one, from being unaware of my own self to being marginally more self-aware, from being weirdly silent on my first day to not sleeping at all throughout the last night- I evolved during those 9 days in Gramya Manthan in ways more than one. 

When I decided to go for Gramya Manthan, I had no thoughts in my head about how it would/ should be. I went as a blank slate and returned back with memories etched in my heart and learnings in my mind for forever. Since this was the first of its kind experience for me, I was unprepared. When I am unprepared, anxiety takes over me and when I try to prepare myself, anxiety takes over me in even larger amounts. So, the one thing I did to not let my anxiety freak the hell out of me was not preparing me beforehand with respect to the unknown circumstances. I didn’t plan conversations with people in my head before actually having them. I never used to go with the flow. But there, I learnt to go with the flow.

A Nukkad Natak which we performed in Pedhambali village against alcoholism

Sleeping at a stranger’s house in Pedhambali village, Gujarat leaving my mobile phone in Dharmshala, I found myself in a space where I could let go of my strongly built hollow fears since long. I wouldn’t say that I was completely successful in getting away from them but at least, I learnt that if I want to, I always can. I learnt that how effortlessly and beautifully different opinions can co-exist with each other in the same space without holding any contempt against each other. I felt that heavy emotion which drowns you in itself when you put your very beloved thing out there for someone else to take without any consideration (which is never talked about in Economics). I felt that emotion which you feel when someone gives you his/ her very precious thing to keep for just a hug in return. I felt that emotion which you feel after sharing a comfortable silence with someone you don’t know well. I felt that emotion which you feel when an old woman pulls you close towards her chest in her embrace and asks you to stay with her family in her home with utmost truth in her eyes. I felt what was unfelt till now. Things which happened unexpectedly and surprised me: I made friends. After 9 days, I didn’t want it to end which apparently made my mother upset at the thought that I didn’t want to come home. I was out of my comfort zone and happy and not complaining. The amount of trust and faith- that you are being eagerly listened to without being judged- progressively nurtured with each round of reflections. Things which have changed slightly as I live through my days now: I don’t waste food, electricity, water and other resources now. I understand the meaning and power of silence. I accept the unlikely/ uncommon parts of my nature and surrender to forced compliance less often. I know that I am the one who has to break through and I am the one from whom I have to break through. I, now, believe that love is the core essence of all the human beings and (all) situations/ people can be transformed with it.

We used to wake up around 5:30 in the morning, come out and sit in a circle with blankets wrapped around us, sit in silence with our eyes closed for a few minutes, share our reflections with each other, tell what’s going in our hearts and minds, and then start for the day. It was a place where we shared silences, smiles, glances of assurances, love, and food. Scrolling down the pictures evokes many poignant memories now and would continue to, even after years down the line. 

I stepped out of who I was,

Told I am by myself and others. 

It ended leaving me unsettled. 

It ended leaving me feel more capable. 

It ended leaving me feel loved. 

It ended leaving me feel more whole. 

But now I wonder- Did it really end? 

As now when I live through each day,

I carry it with me everywhere.