A Spontaneous Heart-felt Expression from Itika

Contributor: Itika Goyal

In this heart-felt spontaneous expression of feelings, Itika, one of the members of our family shares how her current experiences are helping her chose her own value systems. That she sees being reflected in the sacred space, we call Youth Alliance. As the Gita says, discovering one's swadharma is the purpose our lives and its not easy. Itika has decided to tread this challenging but fulfilling path. May she be blessed!

Today I met Dev (Tayde) Bhaiya. As a part of Youth Alliance, I had always heard his name from different people in different contexts. Today hearing him was like revisiting all the learning and experiences that I have gained from YA space.

Here at my university, everything is seen in terms of materialistic gains. People here try to fascinate others with their own achievements and are always trying to prove their superiority. Youth Alliance taught me to be aware of the consequences of my actions on others. Sometimes I feel irritated and hopeless when I see the level of ignorance of people around me. Sometimes I feel that I don't belong here. Sometimes I start questioning myself and my beliefs. I so miss being a part of YA team that sometimes I just feel like running away from here to come back and attend those sessions that had meaning, where people participated not because they will get a better job but because all that mattered so much in their lives.

I can't share my fears with people here, I can't share my joy here. It's like everyone is competing with each other while somewhere fighting with their inner self. In today's session, I was wondering that our university calls us change-agents but where is the kind of education that change agents should be given. I am scared of becoming one of those. I am scared of making career choices at this stage because I don't want to lead a life without meaning. I am struggling to see the next step. Sometimes I start doubting if I will ever be able to do good for anybody. 

In Youth Alliance, when I used to fall, I had so many people to pick me back up but here I fall, I get back up myself and trust me it's tough. This University, which a leading liberal arts university in India is not a bad place but sometimes it gets too intimidating. It's a nice place to gain different perspectives and meet great people but I have increasingly realised that it's important to remain grounded in the core values because of which you are here. Youth Alliance has made me what I am today. 

I just want to thank you both for being there for me always. Thanks a lot for impacting my thoughts, my choices and my career. I will always cherish what you've given me.