Questioning my righteousness | Harnaman's quest of looking with-in

Contributor: Harnaman Singh

This string of thought manifested during the recent Gurupurab Celebrations at the Gurudwara. I noticed while earlier in langar steel plates were used, that day there were plastic disposables ones, squashing a lot of nostalgia. The food didn't taste like langar at all! But more like food made by a 'halwai' (local sweet shop). There was ice cream, packaged water a lot many items which made the langar a fairly lavish affair. I was unsure if I was enjoying this feast or was I missing the old simple food, and then a phrase came to my mind - "Fancier celebrations, poorer souls". Though I still stuck to the phrase (and still agree with it), the second thought that struck me was where is this coming from and I acknowledged that it was coming from a 'righteous' place (just like the sermon going on in the main hall at the time). Ma made me realize that washing those steel plates is a pain and I wondered how many times have I ever really offered to be a part of the langar seva. Then there was a shift and I began to think that there are still a lot of people doing sewa (service) here where as I was sitting and being righteous. It became interesting at this point and I wanted to probe it further. How can I blame the world if I have been lazy? How can I blame the world if I have looked at it from one lens? Indeed, I still stand by my phrase, but the understanding has shifted - how am I first willing to work on myself and as a result, affect/change my concentric circles of influence while still acknowledging and holding the tension within and within the context. I realized that I really do not know the grounding ethos of my religion and that seems like the starting point towards addressing this dilemma, and then perhaps see what can be worked on from there, for otherwise I feel that any intervention would become a construct that can be played around with rather than a shift that can be built upon.

It also strengthens my belief in the immense gravitas of really working and locating one's own self in the VUCA world, else I become a football that is kicked around from one polarised goal post to another, making it really impossible to ascertain what is right and what is wrong. Looking at it from the lens of the self could make it easier, by ascertaining what's enlivening and what isn't.