Through 'The Ecology of Self' the veil was lifted..

Contributor: Priya Maria

Reflections from The Ecology of Self 

I left Youth Alliance as I left Delhi in the year 2017. I embarked on a new journey in Bangalore. I joined law college and it wasn't easy. Studying law sucked the life out of me. I lost my innate self due to stress. City life can get really busy and I was just pushed and pulled along with the crowd not knowing where is it that am going or what is it that my soul is seeking. 

In March 2020 thanks to Covid-19 pandemic I found myself released from the clutches of law college. I was free to go to Pune where I restarted and rebuild my life with my mother, younger sister , my foster cat Sabrina and of course nature. When in June I got to know about this program called 'Ecology and Self' by Youth Alliance I told myself this is something I must try. 

I was drawn towards the words Ecology and self because I have always found solace in nature. As I enrolled in the program and as I went ahead with the program with an open mind and a curious soul I discovered things about myself that I had somehow camouflaged or suppressed. This program helped me go back to my roots. I was born in Hyderabad. Even as a toddler who couldn't walk properly I used to crawl and escape from my home into the nature much to the angst of my parents. 

Growing up I was always lonely but never alone. Books were my best friends. My clothes , teddy bears and toys were my imaginary friends. I found my best friend also in few humans and they are still in touch with me and close to my heart despite our physical distance. I was always silent and observant. I was a good listener. I started playing chess at the age of five . I used to built castles using playing cards. I loved watching cartoons. Tom and Jerry and Baby loony Tunes were my favourite. I was drawn towards older people for they had years of experience and stories that I was curious to know. I loved spending time with my grandparents . They used to tell me stories of their life and times and their children. I used to listen and write it down afterwards in my secret diary . That's how I developed an interest in writing. I found speaking exhaustive and time consuming. I preferred writing. In school, I overcame my stage fear by participating in various competitions like recitation, morning assembly prayer, singing, dancing etc.

I was always conscious of how others would perceive me. I didn't want people to know who I am deep inside thinking that they wouldn't like me if they come to know that I am the kind of girl who loves chasing butterflies, to observe them, to admire their beauty and after learning valuable lesson from them say goodbye cheerfully. That I am still like Dora the explorer who just loves chasing stories. 

Through 'Ecology and Self' the veil was lifted that I had consciously placed between me and my parents. Reality struck me like thunder and I poured out in ways I have never done before thereby flooding the lives of my parents . 

I have always run away from problem. Between fight and flight I have always preferred to be in flight mode but through this program as I connected with my roots I decided to fight back to what is rightly mine. My life is a precious gift. My life is my choice. I no longer need their commentary, unsolicited advice and disrespectful words. I am ready to take full responsibility for my choices. 

As I move on to another journey I would like to thank Youth Alliance for always creating a safe and non-judgemental space where I can always fall back trusting that there will be kind souls to hold me. As I keep evolving, learning and unlearning I will always be indebted to Youth Alliance for their compassionate love and acceptance. 

Thank you!

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To know more about Youth Alliance's program: The Ecology of Self - Click Here.